ThatTimeJuls...

 Life doesn't always take the shape of the plans you originally had. Sometimes you don't even see the life you hoped for. But, if you keep on the journey life will take you down paths you never thought would or could be worthy of.  I thought... isn't that the start of every downward spiral? I thought. Sometimes we need to go back a few steps, thoughts, moments to better understand where we are and where we're going. My oldest is chartering his path as a high school freshman. I can only reflect on my high school experience. When I was in high school all I wanted was to lay a foundation that would get me out of my city (New Orleans). I couldn't see past getting out. All I could see was how everyone around me looked stuck. I couldn't pinpoint when they appeared stuck because it seemed like that was life. And I didn't want that life. I wanted big city because I had big city dreams.  Moments make our lives and shape the decisions we make. I was blessed in so many...

Most of my overthinking comes from observations I've made. I watch or observe and then I process and I think. I repeat this process often when I'm trying to understand behaviors or determine if what I've observed is a pattern of behavior. There is a theme recently that I've decided to coin the double down effect.  We can get so caught up in what we want that we lose sight of the lines (boundaries) we are crossing.  I need to pause for a moment and be honest. I try my very best to write with authenticity and privacy. I am trying my best to tell a story that clarifies my points but honors those in my life who deserve anonymity. It is a struggle at times because there are times I want nothing more than to tell it all. However, that does not honor who I desire to be as a person nor does it create a space of peace within relationships. Please bear with me as I work through this mental challenge.  I am learning that apologies come easier for some than they do for others. It h...

Art by: Danielle Warsley Williams Instagram: @warsleywillcreate Art by: Danielle Warsley Williams Instagram: @warsleywillcreate   Lately, it seems like everything is toxic. If you don't agree with me you're toxic. If you agree with me too quickly, you're toxic. If our opinions differ in ways that make me uncomfortable yep you guessed it... you're toxic. We love to take an idea, concept, thought and milk it dry.  Me having healthy boundaries that protect my mental, physical, and spiritual wellbeing will never be toxic. It will make you uncomfortable because the games you're used to playing no longer work. I will upset you because I'm standing my ground and you no longer have a foothold. Healthy boundaries are meant to keep the good in and the bad out. If you find yourself on the out wouldn't that make you toxic? Since toxic is something that is extremely bad to the point of harm it is safe to say better out than in.  There are times when we look at situations...

If I'm honest I'm still a little pissed about some things that were said. Now, granted I can only hold you accountable to the things I've heard you say but  I 've heard so much.  You ever have those moments where you have been having a conversation in your head over and over with someone? So, naturally when you see them your off to the races, out the gate firing shots. The only thing is they weren't in your head and have no idea where the attack is coming from. No matter how warranted they are coming in at mid conversation and even that is putting it mildly. You have been stewing in this mental conversation. Observing all the things, making sure to pay extra close to the details of what was said and how. You have made an entire menu from this mental conversation that you have (I have) had with NO ONE!!!! This conversation has only been in my mind. I've replayed, rethought, recasted, turned the camera angle, filled from the other side but still all the characters...

 My Love, Why is it that we punish the ones that showed up? I realize why I'm so hesitant at times and it's because the ones that stuck around were the ones I counted on leaving. The ones that left were the ones I wanted desperately to stay. I can't change the heart of man (human). I can't speak to the reasons that cause some to walk away and leave you with dashed hopes of what you wanted that relationship to be. I don't know if I have tips on how to grieve the loss of hope for what they stood for in your life. I'm sorry they left. I'm sorry they didn't fight for you in the way you needed them to. But, for a moment tell yourself that their leaving had nothing to do with you, your worth, or anything you lacked.  When we experience loss in any form I think for most there is a tendency to go within. We begin to pick at the areas most fragile in our lives and blame those insecurities for a set of actions we had no control over. That fear of loss that lingers...

  Growing up I struggled with my weight. Well, I thought I struggled with my weight, but I was a normal size for my age and height I just didn’t live within a community that said my size was normal. I don’t mean my mom. My mother never complained about my weight. I don’t have any memories of my mother saying anything bad or good about my size. Other than being short. I am short people will forever point out that I’m short. It doesn’t hurt… any more lol. I remember when I was around 10 years old. I was hospitalized with asthma issues for about week or more. It was so bad that my brother was called to come and see me just in case I died. Shortly after getting out of the hospital my life began to normalize again and I went back to doing kid things. I was however on medications. One of my church friends says to me that she and her mom have noticed that I’m getting fat. For context I was 10, just got out of the hospital from a near death experience, and on steroid medication to help k...

  The number 9 is my mom’s favorite number. She says for her it’s like the end of the old and the beginning of the new. Biblestudy.org says 9 symbolizes divine completeness or conveys the meaning of finality. Today is day 9 of #Blogtober and while I am running a little late, I’m pushing through. The last couple weeks distance learning has been one of my frustrations. As I type I have one of my boys next to me finishing up some science work while asking me the time every 2 minutes. My oldest son is in his room watching tiktok on his phone because we are on lunch break. We are night owls normally, but the last few nights have been ridiculous with homework and me working on blogging. I joke with my boys about wishing we could just function between the hours of 5pm to 5am. I’ve always been a night owl and so has my oldest. However, my youngest has been on a schedule since birth. Quarantining has flipped the script in our home. Has it done the same for you? How has your home life routin...

Are you enjoying the journey you’re on? I didn’t always enjoy the journey. There were moments in my life I was miserable. I could be surrounded by people and feel overwhelmingly lonely. There are moments in my life that were so amazing I thank God for the memory of them. When I look back at the journey of life that I have been on now for over 3 decades I am amazed at where I am. I am awestruck with what could possibly be next. I’m enjoying this journey the good, the bad, and the amazing. I was in the shower thinking (talking to God) about what happens when 2 people are supposed to connect on their journeys but one or both of them got derailed along the way. What brought about this thought was a conversation I had with my closets friend. We were catching up and discussing all the past situations we had experienced. In that moment I noticed something interesting about the differences in our journeys. While our paths took different directions, I opted for my detours and rest stops. It t...

  Where is the place you get your best ideas, thoughts, or dreams? Where do you talk to the Lord best? I seem to have the best conversations with Christ in the shower or in my car driving. It’s the moments when I don’t have a pen or paper and if I did, I wouldn’t be able to use them anyway. I am learning that sometime God just wants us to listen. We are so busy with the day to day of life that we don’t always have the time to sit down and think let alone listen for the voice of the Lord. I want everything God promised me. There are days where some of those promises seem so far. It’s those moments I must pause and listen. Just take a moment to center myself in what God promised me and allow him the space to pour into those areas that need him the most. Growing up my best friend’s parents would make us have bible study before we could leave on nearly every occasion. One of those bible studies we discussed the Godhead. The Father, Son, and Holy Spirit. The example pops gave was to l...

Have you ever made a mistake you thought you could never come back from? This is a food for thought question. I have made so many mistakes all in attempts to figure life out. I had a professor once tell me, “If you aren’t breaking things, then how do I know you’re learning!” This was said to after a broke a very expensive laboratory item. I’ve also heard celebrities say it takes failure to grow or if you fail at least it means you’re trying. All that seems true in theory, right? But truth be told failure sucks, and no one goes into something hoping they fail. I also don’t want to look back at my life and see a trail of missed opportunities.   I think about those who have gone before me. The ones that laid a path for me to be able to get this far. The cloud of witnesses that are rooting for me to win. I think about those who are to come after me. What path will I leave for them? I want to leap, skip, run, jump blindly into whatever God has for me because I want for those that come...

  In my previous posts I wrote about the lesson’s friendship has taught me. Kelly Kels taught me the value of friendship. Risha taught me the decisions of friendship and Dannie Boo taught me the definition of friendship. While I hope to write more on my friendship series, this will be my last one for now. Throughout my life I have had some amazing friends and some not so amazing friends. I want to highlight more great lessons I learned from some of my phenomenal friends. However, this will be the last lesson for a little while. I will try to have a friend stories at least once a month. Right now, I have so many ideas for this blog and I want to share as many of them as I can. Being surrounded by good people is very important to me. There was a time in my life that the people around me weren’t that great and my life looked a lot different. All that changed when I prayed and asked God to remove those who were not for me out of my life and surround me with friends and people that co...

  Last post I shared how I learned the value of friendship. This time I’m excited to share what I learned from my dear friend and college roommate Terisha Lee, Dr. Lee, whom I will refer to as Risha. When I met Risha our freshmen year at Fisk University it was at a campus bible study. I believe she was trying to decide her major and I was having boy problems. Either way we both needed prayer and it was at that bible study we made plans to meet once a week at the school chapel to pray together. Little did we know the chapel would be locked and we would be praying outside on the steps outside of our literal comfort zones. But, we did it. Each week we met just to pray. Our friend groups didn’t overlap. Our classes didn’t overlap and at that point we weren’t roommates. In the second semester of our freshman year we both lost our roommates and I moved to her room (which was the bigger of the 2). Risha was a great roommate and an even better friend. I learned so much from her and I don...

My last post was a shout out to the amazing people in my life that keep pushing me to be greater than great. I’m not sure if anyone has noticed but I’ve made a point to not share names since I’ve been blogging. I did that in hopes to honor those closest to me that are no longer in those spaces of life because we all deserve to shine in our best light. I will continue to withhold the names of those in stories (of my actual life) that may not shine the brightest in that moment because I love them. With that said I have been feeling lead to share the stories of friends that have impacted my life in some way, shape, or form and that requires names. There is no particular order to how I share these stories. I just want to share them. There are some people in life you are destined to meet. It was written before the earth was formed. Those are friendships that are beautiful. I have been blessed with beautiful friendships and it is my hope that my stories touch hearts and fill others with ho...

There is this idea that when something goes wrong or goes in an unfavorable direction someone must be at fault. Bad things don't just happen but rather bad things only happen as a consequence to people that have done wrong or bad things. The reality is that may not be the case. For example, (don't worry I have several) someone fails a test. We tell that person they didn't study hard enough. Study harder and next time you won't fail. Little do we know that person has studied and truly put in the work but they still failed the test. A partner in a relationship is cheated on and we say you must have not been doing something right for your partner to treat you that way. You didn't work hard enough on your relationship. A person finds out they have cancer. You weren't eating right, you didn't work hard enough on your health and that is why your health is failing. A child develops cancer and it's because the parents got them vaccinated, they ate too ...

Greater love has no one than this: to lay down one's life for one's friends. John 15:13 (NIV) I don't remember being the kid that cried about not having friends or being sad because someone said they weren't my friend. I do remember moving in 7th grade and telling my mom I wish I had friends. My mom first asked if I was friendly? She went on to say if I found myself to be friendly I would find myself with friends. Those were very true words and soon enough I found myself with three friends that I stuck to like glue. From 7th grade through high school I had my girls and I was good. I had other friends that I was close to and this in no way is a downplay on our friendship. However, this story is about one friend in particular that in my quest to leave home was left behind.  About a year ago I wrote a blog about something silly that my friends and I did. When I wrote that blog I genuinely wanted to express a lesson about love. I thought the blog was self-explanatory...

A year ago I started this blog. I thought this would be a fun way to start writing. I have had so many experiences in life that I've learned from and I wanted to share them on this platform. I started with hope in my eyes and a keyboard at my fingertips. Like life, there were roadblocks, writer's block, life blocks and I stopped writing. I used a variety of excused to keep me from posting and really it was fear. I don't fear being liked by people I don't know. I fear sharing my experiences and the ones I care about feeling some type of way. But, the truth is, that's life. I can't pacify your feelings because I love you. I know that I need to write; it's apart of my purpose, my mission in life, and there is no love lost. Now that I've brought you up to speed on where I've been. Here are a few thoughts that I jotted down while I sat in the waiting room of the doctor's office. My mission in life (that I realized at 36 years and 11months ol...

I want to tell you a story about love. I’ll let you know ahead of the time that the girl doesn’t get the guy (or vise versa). We don’t decide to just be friends. However, there is an epic ending but not in the sense that you may be thinking. When I was seven I went to church with very few people that looked like me as far as ethnicity was concerned. There was, however, one family and their son was just a couple years older than me. He wasn’t the cutest guy, or the most talkative but he was magnetic. I was drawn to him (yes at seven) and I knew that I loved him. I never professed my love but I did tell him that I liked him. He told me he didn’t like me back because I couldn’t beatbox. I told him beatboxing was dumb (only after my failed attempt to try it) and I moved on with my seven-year-old life. Our church later moved into a new building and his family didn’t move with us to the new location. If you read my previous blog then you know middle school and high school was go...

I am a lover of “Black 90’s Love Stories.” My favorite is Love Jones . I love the artistry, the weaving and intermingling of lives met at random. I am a sucker for 90’s R&B, the “baby making” music, the stories of love lost and of course the songs of one finding themselves after dodging the bullet of bad love. I lived in those words and in those spaces of love stories created for the culture. Black buster classics are where I began to identify my blackness. I have recently been watching “Love Is…” (on the Own network). I am brought back to the girl that I wanted to become, the imagery of how I wanted my identity shaped. The story is so beautifully written it reminds me of how simple love is yet it’s so complex. The tapestry and fabric of love are defined so differently for everyone that when weaving these delicate yet luxurious hearts (and lives) together we have to remember to be patient. There are some areas that seamlessly come together but there are other areas that ...