ThatTimeJuls...

If I'm honest I'm still a little pissed about some things that were said. Now, granted I can only hold you accountable to the things I've heard you say but  I 've heard so much.  You ever have those moments where you have been having a conversation in your head over and over with someone? So, naturally when you see them your off to the races, out the gate firing shots. The only thing is they weren't in your head and have no idea where the attack is coming from. No matter how warranted they are coming in at mid conversation and even that is putting it mildly. You have been stewing in this mental conversation. Observing all the things, making sure to pay extra close to the details of what was said and how. You have made an entire menu from this mental conversation that you have (I have) had with NO ONE!!!! This conversation has only been in my mind. I've replayed, rethought, recasted, turned the camera angle, filled from the other side but still all the characters...

My love, I believed you when you said you were sorry. When you told me things were going to be different I hoped that to be true. But I see you creeping back to the ways that brought us here. Did you mean it when you apologized? You said you were sorry for the actions that hurt me. Was that true or did you play me to believe you had changed when I see the same thing? I believed you or I wanted to well I tried to. I'm learning my love, that apologies are intentions that require no action. We all have good intentions and hope no one gets hurt. But in the end what does it really mean when we can't see intent and we all feel hurt. Forgiveness is given regardless of an apology. However, forgiveness does not mean the relationship is restored. Forgiveness means I no longer hold your actions against you. I am free to move with or without you. You are free to move in a direction of your choice but it may not include me. My involvement in your life is my choice and that depends on your a...

Hey Lover, You remember when we got into that argument? The one that I brought up nearly every month for 3 months. I was thinking...  Have you gotten caught up in the details of something? Have you ever caught yourself reflecting on something and seeing the details you missed? Details... I am an elaborate overthinker. If you give me a thread to think about I can spoil a ball of yarn. The way people say, "give 'em an inch, they'll take a mile." An inch of thought in my mind can easily and quickly become a galaxy. This probably stems from having so much time with my thoughts as a child. Or my goto which is I think like a scientist. For as long as I could remember I would wander along the paths of my imagination. When I was a child it was creating worlds of escape. I didn't read books (unless I had to) because the worlds I created with my mind were beyond compare.  Now, I think. I pick apart everything you've said to me. I especially unpack with enormous detail a...

 My Love, Why is it that we punish the ones that showed up? I realize why I'm so hesitant at times and it's because the ones that stuck around were the ones I counted on leaving. The ones that left were the ones I wanted desperately to stay. I can't change the heart of man (human). I can't speak to the reasons that cause some to walk away and leave you with dashed hopes of what you wanted that relationship to be. I don't know if I have tips on how to grieve the loss of hope for what they stood for in your life. I'm sorry they left. I'm sorry they didn't fight for you in the way you needed them to. But, for a moment tell yourself that their leaving had nothing to do with you, your worth, or anything you lacked.  When we experience loss in any form I think for most there is a tendency to go within. We begin to pick at the areas most fragile in our lives and blame those insecurities for a set of actions we had no control over. That fear of loss that lingers...

  When I was kid there was a group of Christian College Students that would come to my church every year and sing. I should probably point out that I was raise southern baptist. Every year when these groups would come my mom would make sure I got to church early. If anyone knows me, they know I don’t get to church early. When I was a teen and could drive, I would get to church late. I didn’t mind going to Sunday School, but I felt like if ever there was a moment to see the fake folk shine it was Sunday School. In their defense it could have also been the morning. I am not a morning person. I’m not interested in being up in the morning and I am surely not interested in the overly joyful personalities in the morning. Nevertheless, on the days the students were there I made sure to be to church bright and early. These students were so cheerful and obnoxiously kind, it would make my stomach turn. No offense to them but it just felt fake to me. I didn’t understand how they could be th...

    Wow I’ve made it to day 8. I don’t want to get to excited, but I want to celebrate small victories. This is the most consistent I’ve been since starting my blog. Thank you to everyone that is supporting my blogging journey. I’m so appreciative. I was looking at my youngest son plug something into the wall, and I remember the days I had wall protectors covering every outlet. My children are growing into amazing young men and I’m not ready. I remember when my life was consumed with making sure their every need was met. When they were babies, they couldn’t do for themselves. As they began to grow, they developed more independence. They became a little more self-sufficient and confident with each attempt at a new task. As a mom I wanted to make sure they hit every milestone. Hitting milestones was the way I knew they were growing healthy and strong. There were moments when they thought (especially my oldest) they were big enough, or strong enough to take on a task like...

For the next 30 days I want to post something every day. I am challenging myself to focus on me in one area of my life and truly dig deep to see what God sees in me. I hope you enjoy and share and see the beauty in the YOU that God created. Love -Juls This year has been one long rollercoaster ride. At times I’m ready to wiggle my way out of the seat and jump to get off this ride. But, there are amazing moments when the flutters in my stomach remind me I’m having a good time and I can ride just a bit longer. When this year started, I was determined to not say, “Yo, this year is going to be my year!” I’ve said this too many years in a row and each year I’m looking at December like Deborah Cox singing, “How did you get here?” My year not getting off to a great start could have also had something to do with it but that was 10 months ago and 2020 is out for blood let’s be honest. This is the one year I think we can all agree whatever was supposed to happen for Y2K (2000) happened this year!...

My last post was a shout out to the amazing people in my life that keep pushing me to be greater than great. I’m not sure if anyone has noticed but I’ve made a point to not share names since I’ve been blogging. I did that in hopes to honor those closest to me that are no longer in those spaces of life because we all deserve to shine in our best light. I will continue to withhold the names of those in stories (of my actual life) that may not shine the brightest in that moment because I love them. With that said I have been feeling lead to share the stories of friends that have impacted my life in some way, shape, or form and that requires names. There is no particular order to how I share these stories. I just want to share them. There are some people in life you are destined to meet. It was written before the earth was formed. Those are friendships that are beautiful. I have been blessed with beautiful friendships and it is my hope that my stories touch hearts and fill others with ho...

There is this idea that when something goes wrong or goes in an unfavorable direction someone must be at fault. Bad things don't just happen but rather bad things only happen as a consequence to people that have done wrong or bad things. The reality is that may not be the case. For example, (don't worry I have several) someone fails a test. We tell that person they didn't study hard enough. Study harder and next time you won't fail. Little do we know that person has studied and truly put in the work but they still failed the test. A partner in a relationship is cheated on and we say you must have not been doing something right for your partner to treat you that way. You didn't work hard enough on your relationship. A person finds out they have cancer. You weren't eating right, you didn't work hard enough on your health and that is why your health is failing. A child develops cancer and it's because the parents got them vaccinated, they ate too ...

Greater love has no one than this: to lay down one's life for one's friends. John 15:13 (NIV) I don't remember being the kid that cried about not having friends or being sad because someone said they weren't my friend. I do remember moving in 7th grade and telling my mom I wish I had friends. My mom first asked if I was friendly? She went on to say if I found myself to be friendly I would find myself with friends. Those were very true words and soon enough I found myself with three friends that I stuck to like glue. From 7th grade through high school I had my girls and I was good. I had other friends that I was close to and this in no way is a downplay on our friendship. However, this story is about one friend in particular that in my quest to leave home was left behind.  About a year ago I wrote a blog about something silly that my friends and I did. When I wrote that blog I genuinely wanted to express a lesson about love. I thought the blog was self-explanatory...

Do you remember what it felt like when you had your first crush or when you found out that someone was crushing on you ? I remember my first crush. I really just thought he was the coolest kid in third grade. Unfortunately, I was shut down cause he didn’t like girls with allergies (I just laughed to myself) I was consumed with all the allergies. What did we know as kids about liking boys or girls? Little did I know my day was coming. Middle school changed the game for me. I was still riddled with allergies but I was in the band. While the movie “American Pie,” made the band seem corny and extra lame. New Orleans let you know the band was life (and still is)! Okay, so, I was only tangentially cool but I was cute. At this stage in my life when I had a crush they crushed back and as a result, I got my first mixtape. I know I’m aging myself by saying tape but CD players hadn’t been out very long so recording a CD was out of the question. Not to mention tapes were easy to access. ...

I am a lover of “Black 90’s Love Stories.” My favorite is Love Jones . I love the artistry, the weaving and intermingling of lives met at random. I am a sucker for 90’s R&B, the “baby making” music, the stories of love lost and of course the songs of one finding themselves after dodging the bullet of bad love. I lived in those words and in those spaces of love stories created for the culture. Black buster classics are where I began to identify my blackness. I have recently been watching “Love Is…” (on the Own network). I am brought back to the girl that I wanted to become, the imagery of how I wanted my identity shaped. The story is so beautifully written it reminds me of how simple love is yet it’s so complex. The tapestry and fabric of love are defined so differently for everyone that when weaving these delicate yet luxurious hearts (and lives) together we have to remember to be patient. There are some areas that seamlessly come together but there are other areas that ...