Blogtober Day 8…

 

 

Wow I’ve made it to day 8. I don’t want to get to excited, but I want to celebrate small victories. This is the most consistent I’ve been since starting my blog. Thank you to everyone that is supporting my blogging journey. I’m so appreciative.

I was looking at my youngest son plug something into the wall, and I remember the days I had wall protectors covering every outlet. My children are growing into amazing young men and I’m not ready. I remember when my life was consumed with making sure their every need was met. When they were babies, they couldn’t do for themselves. As they began to grow, they developed more independence. They became a little more self-sufficient and confident with each attempt at a new task. As a mom I wanted to make sure they hit every milestone. Hitting milestones was the way I knew they were growing healthy and strong.

There were moments when they thought (especially my oldest) they were big enough, or strong enough to take on a task like carrying a gallon of milk by themselves. In those moments I could argue with a toddler or let him try to carry the milk. Watching this baby struggle to carry the milk was hilarious and frustrating. What would end up happening is I would carry him while he carried the milk. One day he asked for the milk and could carry it the whole way. Those were bittersweet moments. I knew we was growing, and I was proud, but I also knew my baby was not going to remain my baby forever.

Now, we are in this new space. My oldest is a teenager and my youngest is a tweenager. Navigating this new space is very different from when they were toddlers and preschoolers, but very familiar at the same time.

I want my children to have the freedom to grow into whomever God created them to be. I also want them to be my babies forever. I understand logically this won’t happen. But it doesn’t change my desire for it to happen. As I watched my youngest plug in a lamp to sit next to me and do his homework. I saw who he has the potential to become as a person. I could choose to foster that, or I could hinder that person from existing. It sounds cruel and harsh but it’s true. As a parent and as a person my influence on their life and in their life makes all the difference. I have the ability to challenge them and charge them to be their most authentic selves, the very best versions of them. Alternatively, I could see them as my babies forever and require nothing of them. As they grow into adulthood, I could choose to see them in a way that they don’t identify with, keeping them in the image of my babies.

There are people in our lives that say they love us yet hold us to a version of ourselves that we’ve evolved from. Love is an action word. We hear that all the time. However, that implies actions change over time. I don’t want to be in a relationship that doesn’t grow as I grow. Friendships, romantic relationships (all the ships) are meant to grow and change over time. I don’t feed my children baby food because their stomachs have grown. They can break down bigger pieces of food. Sometimes people mean well, and they want what’s best for us however, they don’t understand that we’ve changed. It is okay and dare I say normal to change. My college roommate and I met when we were fresh out of high school. Neither of us had children or a career. We didn’t have to consider others any in or our plans, we could just make them. Now, we both have children, careers, she has a husband. Our lives have changed in amazing ways. Our friendship can still exist, just with new boundaries. It may look a little different but now it’s even more enriching. My best friend and I met at 11 or 12, in seventh grade. She is a dynamic mother, wife, artist, and over all boss. But if I still treated her like we were 15 our relationship would be short lived. Both of these examples are relationships that I value and feel valued in. I want them to evolve and grow. They have to or the relationship will not work.

There are people in our lives that love us but refuse to allow us to grow past the idea they have of us. It is more than okay to love them but remove yourself from their space. That may be permanent, or it could be temporary until that person gets to a space that allows you to be who you’ve become (or are becoming). Who you are and who you are becoming is valuable. You deserve to be surrounded by people that allow you the freedom to grow and the space to figure it out. My prayer for us all is: Father, remove anyone who is not for me from my life. Surround me with people that are for me and I can be for them. In Jesus name.

Love ya,

-Juls