Your Ready and My Ready Might Not Be The Same Ready

Have you ever had a friend or family member that you felt had so much potential but didn't have the drive? I remember getting to a point in my life where I decided I was no longer dating potential. In physics potential energy has the ability to become kinetic energy but it needs a force to act on it. I'm sure you have all heard the saying, "An object at rest will stay at rest, and an object in motion will stay in motion until a force acts on it." We so often want to be the force that pushes the people we love into their purpose, great life choices, or a healthy direction. Recently, I am seeing things in such a different way. We reserve the push of "faith" or hopeful belief for people we love, like, or see something in. We rarely offer that belief or push of faith to our frienemy, or to our loved ones whose dreams we don't understand or agree with. But why? Why do we so eagerly want to be the force that propels someone into their purpose, especially when we see who they can become better than they do? 

I don't know if I will be able to answer that question in this post. However, I'd like to offer a new perspective. One that may be a little frustrating and make us a little uncomfortable but I hope it helps us to approach people in new ways. I remember dating this guy and thinking how amazing he was and all the amazing things he will do in life. By the end of the relationship, I questioned if we had ever had a real conversation. when I say real I mean thought-provoking, eye-opening, depth of a conversation. As I look back at that relationship as well as others I realize I had so much potential built up for each person. I could see them accomplishing so much more than the dreams they shared with me. Hears the thing, I'm a dreamer, a problem solver, and a physicist. An idea in my hands can only grow. If I'm not careful I could make your dreams feel overwhelming and it was never my intention. 

I am learning that when someone is ready they will do it. We can push, prod, poke but at the end of the day it won't happen until that person is ready. Just because you can see what someone has the potential to become doesn't mean that they are ready. A hard lesson to learn is that there are going to be some that never become ready and that is okay. When we allow others to decide their readiness for themselves we not only get to let go of that burden but we can also support them in ways that work for them. I tell my friends that are potty training their toddlers not to worry because I've never seen a fully functioning 40-year-old still in diapers. When your child is ready they will go to the potty on their own. We often talk about drug addicts hitting rock bottom before they seek help. In reality, they have to be ready. Rock bottom or not they have to get to a place of being ready to do the work of getting help. 

We can think someone is ready. They can say they are ready and they can even go with the motions but nothing is happening because they really aren't ready. It's okay for those around me to define for themselves when they are ready. When I do it our relationship is strained. It's hard for me to offer them grace because I think they should be at a different place in their life. However, when I choose to see them as a person that I love. I get to decide if I want to show up for them at this stage of life and for how long. I think sometimes we get so caught up in wanting people to grow because we are growing, that we forget where our power or control resides. We don't have control over the readiness of others. We do however have control over choosing to show up or not. We also have control over defining how we want to show up. The most amazing person in our lives with the most amazing potential can choose to remain potential and that is okay. That doesn't mean not to hold them accountable and allow them to be a trash human. It means to love them for who they are today and not who you hope they will become later. Let's be more mindful to offer our love to the present version of those important to us. Our present selves need to be loved if we are ever going to become what we hoped. Love is a constant force that can also convert potential to kinetic easily. 

Love ya,

-Juls