Is it Toxic or Do you have Boundary Issues?

Art by: Danielle Warsley Williams
Instagram: @warsleywillcreate

Art by: Danielle Warsley Williams
Instagram: @warsleywillcreate

 

Lately, it seems like everything is toxic. If you don't agree with me you're toxic. If you agree with me too quickly, you're toxic. If our opinions differ in ways that make me uncomfortable yep you guessed it... you're toxic. We love to take an idea, concept, thought and milk it dry. 

Me having healthy boundaries that protect my mental, physical, and spiritual wellbeing will never be toxic. It will make you uncomfortable because the games you're used to playing no longer work. I will upset you because I'm standing my ground and you no longer have a foothold. Healthy boundaries are meant to keep the good in and the bad out. If you find yourself on the out wouldn't that make you toxic? Since toxic is something that is extremely bad to the point of harm it is safe to say better out than in. 

There are times when we look at situations, people, and relationships throw the lens of what we desire them to be. We stay in those places longer than we should and give so much more of ourselves than we had envisioned. I was riding with my family to visit a friend of ours. We passed this beautiful forest of trees. At the tops of the trees, there was a sheet-like blanket of vines. It was the coolest looking thing I'd ever seen. I asked my aunt what type of trees were those because it was so unique. My aunt's response was that is a parasite on those trees. It looks really pretty until it has taken all the nutrients from the trees leaving nothing behind. I was shocked. I couldn't believe that something so beautiful could cause that much damage. That is what happens when we use the lens of our desire to see situations. Please don't get me wrong, I don't mean being hopeful. 

Hopeful is when we want something to work out in our favor. We believe that this person, opportunity, or relationship could be great, however, we keep our minds open to truth. We don't ignore red flags and microaggressions. Hopeful is using wisdom and knowledge to navigate the space we are in to guide where we go. Seeing through the lens of what we desire things to be, blinds us to important information. We don't listen as clearly as we should and we miss keywords. We overlook things that we normally address right away. Most importantly, we are not our most authentic selves because we desire an outcome so we become the person that we think deserves that outcome. We are being sucked in by the parasite of what we want and we don't even realize it. 

When I give radiation safety training I often remind the students that ionizing radiation is everywhere. Of course not in large amounts. In the beginning of the Health Physics development, it was thought that exposing yourself to radiation was a good thing. The body would build a sort of tolerance (if you will) to the radiation. To some degree that is true. For example, the sun sends us UV rays which are ionizing and our body absorbs them and warms, our skin tans, and our cheeks get red. Then our skin cells repair themselves and heal and the process starts all over again. However, when you stay in the sun too long it will burn you and those UV rays can cause skin cancer. What is my point? The sun is not toxic because people can get skin cancer from UV rays. 

I'm learning that boundaries are the key to developing safe and healthy relationships. There were some that look beautiful but are parasites full of toxins that will leave us for dead. Then there are situations that require sunscreen (ie healthy boundaries). In the right space, with the right set of boundaries things can be bright, sunny, and offer an amazing tan. However, without those things, cancer can develop. Being hopeful does not mean being blind to the truth. In fact, hope is what should keep our eyes to the truth of what a situation, relationship, person is in our lives. It is my hope that we open our hearts to receive love in healthy forms. That we know the worthiness of who we are in our most authentic selves and never withhold the fullness of who we are from the world.

Love ya,

-Juls