ThatTimeJuls...

  When I was a freshman in high school, I found out I had a brother and sister. I wasn’t devastated, I wasn’t hurt, I was disappointed in my father because I felt he kept a part of me from me. My father and I never had a good relationship and I never really knew him. I’ve seen my father twice in my life and the second time was at his funeral. I know these sentences may come off callous or very matter of fact. However, they are true. Sometimes truth is like medicine it doesn’t taste good but it’s what the body needs to heal. In my first year of high school I was put into a program because I had a decent gpa. I didn’t ask to be in the program and I for sure didn’t want to be in the program. The teacher over the program promised to let me out of the program after that year. Knowing I made this agreement I did whatever I needed to do while in the program. In the adult world of my life my parents were negotiating child support because yes, I was 14 or 15 and my father had not been req...

                                        What are you afraid of? Do you ever question what you were called to do? Do you know what you were called to do? I mean do you know what you were created and put on this earth to do? Fear has a way of creeping in through the small cracks and unseen spaces of our heart and mind. When I was in college, I thought I had been well prepared. I graduated in the top 5% of my graduating class. I thought I had developed good study habits. Yet, when I got to college I was out of my depth. I didn’t know how to ask for help because I felt I should’ve known this material and it was reaffirmed by some of my professors. In my fear of asking for help I struggled. I knew what I wanted to do or I thought I knew but that dream looked out of reach. For years I struggled to ask for help. Back then it was asking for help with my education. But in the fall of 2004, I t...

 When was the moment you realized your parents were human? Did you ever have that moment in life? I remember as a kid my mom telling me I could ask her any question because she knows everything. Of course as a child I thought she must be right. There wasn’t a time when she didn’t have the right answer. As I got older my life experiences began to deepen and there were questions that I had that were out of my mothers depth. That was when my mom pointed me in the direction of my Heavenly Father.  There are times in life when we hold God our Heavenly Father  hostage to the humanness of our earthly parents. Our parents love us and want what’s best for us but they are human. God is not a man that he would lie. God is all knowing. He walks with us and he knew us before we were ever placed in our mothers wombs. We shouldn’t hold the fact that our parents are limited against the creator of the universe that hold all the answers.  God want us to get to know him. He wants to te...

  I don’t have a monopoly on hurt and pain! Do you know the pain of the people around you? The people who pour into your life have hurt too. I had this thought some months ago regarding a friend I love dearly. I felt they were so stuck in the hurt and pain of past relationships that it was spilling over into our friendship. I didn’t know how to tell them they were doing to me what was being done to them. So, I started to pray. What God said to me was you don’t have a monopoly of hurt and pain. I thought it was meant for my friend, but I realize it was for me. While it may apply to my friend, I had to look at the area of my life that I use my past hurts to mistreat those around me that love me. There are some people in our lives that haven’t asked to be in the roles they are in, like my children. Children love their parents no matter what and as a parent I love and protect my babies no matter what. I have to check my issues because my children are innocent and didn’t ask to be her...

  When I was kid there was a group of Christian College Students that would come to my church every year and sing. I should probably point out that I was raise southern baptist. Every year when these groups would come my mom would make sure I got to church early. If anyone knows me, they know I don’t get to church early. When I was a teen and could drive, I would get to church late. I didn’t mind going to Sunday School, but I felt like if ever there was a moment to see the fake folk shine it was Sunday School. In their defense it could have also been the morning. I am not a morning person. I’m not interested in being up in the morning and I am surely not interested in the overly joyful personalities in the morning. Nevertheless, on the days the students were there I made sure to be to church bright and early. These students were so cheerful and obnoxiously kind, it would make my stomach turn. No offense to them but it just felt fake to me. I didn’t understand how they could be th...

  Growing up I struggled with my weight. Well, I thought I struggled with my weight, but I was a normal size for my age and height I just didn’t live within a community that said my size was normal. I don’t mean my mom. My mother never complained about my weight. I don’t have any memories of my mother saying anything bad or good about my size. Other than being short. I am short people will forever point out that I’m short. It doesn’t hurt… any more lol. I remember when I was around 10 years old. I was hospitalized with asthma issues for about week or more. It was so bad that my brother was called to come and see me just in case I died. Shortly after getting out of the hospital my life began to normalize again and I went back to doing kid things. I was however on medications. One of my church friends says to me that she and her mom have noticed that I’m getting fat. For context I was 10, just got out of the hospital from a near death experience, and on steroid medication to help k...

    I have so many thoughts about what I’d like to share. I just can’t seem to lock into one and go with it. I have so much gratitude for my friends and family that support me and have my back. And to add to it all I am an over thinker. I will take a thought and dissect it to the nth degree. I will then take the pieces and over analyze them too. Are any of you over thinkers? If you are an over thinker, I know you completely understand, and I feel for you. For as he thinks in his heart, so is he. “Eat and drink!” he says to you. But his heart is not with you.” Proverbs 23:7. I have been thinking about this scripture and about what it means to me. I used to think the reason I have to capture my negative thoughts or the thoughts that weren’t like God was because I would become them. However, as I was typing the scripture, I noticed that it said thinks in his heart. There is a difference between thoughts that come into our mind and thoughts that take root in our hearts. I am...

  The number 9 is my mom’s favorite number. She says for her it’s like the end of the old and the beginning of the new. Biblestudy.org says 9 symbolizes divine completeness or conveys the meaning of finality. Today is day 9 of #Blogtober and while I am running a little late, I’m pushing through. The last couple weeks distance learning has been one of my frustrations. As I type I have one of my boys next to me finishing up some science work while asking me the time every 2 minutes. My oldest son is in his room watching tiktok on his phone because we are on lunch break. We are night owls normally, but the last few nights have been ridiculous with homework and me working on blogging. I joke with my boys about wishing we could just function between the hours of 5pm to 5am. I’ve always been a night owl and so has my oldest. However, my youngest has been on a schedule since birth. Quarantining has flipped the script in our home. Has it done the same for you? How has your home life routin...

    Wow I’ve made it to day 8. I don’t want to get to excited, but I want to celebrate small victories. This is the most consistent I’ve been since starting my blog. Thank you to everyone that is supporting my blogging journey. I’m so appreciative. I was looking at my youngest son plug something into the wall, and I remember the days I had wall protectors covering every outlet. My children are growing into amazing young men and I’m not ready. I remember when my life was consumed with making sure their every need was met. When they were babies, they couldn’t do for themselves. As they began to grow, they developed more independence. They became a little more self-sufficient and confident with each attempt at a new task. As a mom I wanted to make sure they hit every milestone. Hitting milestones was the way I knew they were growing healthy and strong. There were moments when they thought (especially my oldest) they were big enough, or strong enough to take on a task like...

Are you enjoying the journey you’re on? I didn’t always enjoy the journey. There were moments in my life I was miserable. I could be surrounded by people and feel overwhelmingly lonely. There are moments in my life that were so amazing I thank God for the memory of them. When I look back at the journey of life that I have been on now for over 3 decades I am amazed at where I am. I am awestruck with what could possibly be next. I’m enjoying this journey the good, the bad, and the amazing. I was in the shower thinking (talking to God) about what happens when 2 people are supposed to connect on their journeys but one or both of them got derailed along the way. What brought about this thought was a conversation I had with my closets friend. We were catching up and discussing all the past situations we had experienced. In that moment I noticed something interesting about the differences in our journeys. While our paths took different directions, I opted for my detours and rest stops. It t...

  Yesterday I wrote about crystal growth. I’ve been thinking about it all day. You are a crystal. An amazingly crafted, specifically designed, unique, authentic you, created for a purpose with a plan in mind. I don’t know your struggles. What I do know is that if you are here, if you are reading this, you, yes you were created already great. Who you are right now and where you are in life may not be ideal for you but you are great none the less. Do you know the work it took to create you? I said yesterday it takes months to grow a crystal. The same is said for a baby. It takes even longer to grow from infant to adult and somehow once you become an adult you’re there for a while. God knew what he was doing when he created you. He knew the concentration amount he wanted of each parent. He knew the situation in which you would be conceived, and he still considers you a gem, a jewel, and full of his purpose.   You may be in the refining stage of life and it feels like everythi...

When I was in graduate school, I used to grow crystals. Well, I attempted to grow them, but the process proved to exhaust my patience. My research advisor was over the crystal growth laboratory. There were multiple areas of research I could choose from but all of them were based on various stages of crystal development, for the most part. For the first few months or so of this program I observed every stage from crystal growth to crystal characterization. Each stage takes time, focus, and patience. Recently, I’ve met some new friends that have been such a blessing to be around. Observing them as reminded me of my experience growing crystals in graduate school. Materials for growing crystals will depend on the type of crystal you need. The crystals that were grown in the lab were not used as jewels or gems. These crystals were/are used in medical equipment, space exploration, and radiation detection, just to name a few. However, I want to discuss a little of the process. Often in li...

  I was once a magnet. I attracted things. I repelled things. I clung to things and I let go of things that lost their charge. Sometimes I fell and other times I was thrown away. I would get shoved in drawers, overlooked, and forgotten. Time went by and there were fragments of me scattered in all the places I had been. I lost parts of me and even some of who I was, but I never lost my purpose. I’m a magnet and somewhere there are magnetic fragments of me. While fragments of me aren’t the whole of me they are pieces of me that are capable of doing what I do on a much smaller scale. There are some pieces of me that are no longer magnetized and do nothing, but they don’t have to stay that way. Do you sometimes feel like this magnet? You give and give of yourself and you need to be poured into. Magnets are supposed to attract oppositely charged magnets. They have a job and they do their job whether we use them or not. We aren’t magnets. It’s not easy to be overlooked and forgotten. W...

  Where is the place you get your best ideas, thoughts, or dreams? Where do you talk to the Lord best? I seem to have the best conversations with Christ in the shower or in my car driving. It’s the moments when I don’t have a pen or paper and if I did, I wouldn’t be able to use them anyway. I am learning that sometime God just wants us to listen. We are so busy with the day to day of life that we don’t always have the time to sit down and think let alone listen for the voice of the Lord. I want everything God promised me. There are days where some of those promises seem so far. It’s those moments I must pause and listen. Just take a moment to center myself in what God promised me and allow him the space to pour into those areas that need him the most. Growing up my best friend’s parents would make us have bible study before we could leave on nearly every occasion. One of those bible studies we discussed the Godhead. The Father, Son, and Holy Spirit. The example pops gave was to l...

Have you ever made a mistake you thought you could never come back from? This is a food for thought question. I have made so many mistakes all in attempts to figure life out. I had a professor once tell me, “If you aren’t breaking things, then how do I know you’re learning!” This was said to after a broke a very expensive laboratory item. I’ve also heard celebrities say it takes failure to grow or if you fail at least it means you’re trying. All that seems true in theory, right? But truth be told failure sucks, and no one goes into something hoping they fail. I also don’t want to look back at my life and see a trail of missed opportunities.   I think about those who have gone before me. The ones that laid a path for me to be able to get this far. The cloud of witnesses that are rooting for me to win. I think about those who are to come after me. What path will I leave for them? I want to leap, skip, run, jump blindly into whatever God has for me because I want for those that come...

For the next 30 days I want to post something every day. I am challenging myself to focus on me in one area of my life and truly dig deep to see what God sees in me. I hope you enjoy and share and see the beauty in the YOU that God created. Love -Juls This year has been one long rollercoaster ride. At times I’m ready to wiggle my way out of the seat and jump to get off this ride. But, there are amazing moments when the flutters in my stomach remind me I’m having a good time and I can ride just a bit longer. When this year started, I was determined to not say, “Yo, this year is going to be my year!” I’ve said this too many years in a row and each year I’m looking at December like Deborah Cox singing, “How did you get here?” My year not getting off to a great start could have also had something to do with it but that was 10 months ago and 2020 is out for blood let’s be honest. This is the one year I think we can all agree whatever was supposed to happen for Y2K (2000) happened this year!...