Blogtober Day 15…

                                     


 What are you afraid of? Do you ever question what you were called to do? Do you know what you were called to do? I mean do you know what you were created and put on this earth to do? Fear has a way of creeping in through the small cracks and unseen spaces of our heart and mind.

When I was in college, I thought I had been well prepared. I graduated in the top 5% of my graduating class. I thought I had developed good study habits. Yet, when I got to college I was out of my depth. I didn’t know how to ask for help because I felt I should’ve known this material and it was reaffirmed by some of my professors. In my fear of asking for help I struggled. I knew what I wanted to do or I thought I knew but that dream looked out of reach.

For years I struggled to ask for help. Back then it was asking for help with my education. But in the fall of 2004, I transferred to Tennessee State University. I also changed my major and I went to meet my academic advisor. I made friends that didn’t pretend to have an understanding of material that didn’t make sense. I became more comfortable with seeking help and it took me a total of 7.5 (yes 7.5) years to finish my undergraduate degree but I finished. Now, school was the first place I realized I needed to ask for help but didn’t know how. I began to see so many other areas of my life that I needed to ask for help in but was afraid because fear told me I wouldn’t get the help I needed or there would be attachments to that help.

Sometimes fear makes its way into areas of our life because we trusted the wrong people. We allowed the people that intended us harm into the spaces of our lives where they didn’t belong. And when they left, we were left with the aftermath of their carelessness. We didn’t know at the time they weren’t trustworthy. We wanted to believe they were like us genuine and kind, but they weren’t. Please know trusting the wrong person, learning that they can’t be trusted (after they hurt us), and choosing to separate is healthy. Please know there will be people to come along that you can trust. There will be people in your life that see the value in you and want to show up for you. Please, please, please use the discernment God gave you and judge them by the fruits of the Spirit (loving, kindness, goodness, gentle, patient, joyful, peaceful, faithfulness, self-control). Then and only then should you begin to trust them. Let’s stop making others pay for the hurt and pain someone else caused. Fear will keep you from your purpose and this is part of it. Hold those who hurt you accountable for that pain but forgive yourself and them and allow the love of Jesus Christ to heal you.

I went off on a tangent for a sec. I finally finished college, but I had no idea what I was going to do with my life because the fear that creeped in told me I really didn’t know what I was doing. I felt unworthy of my degree and I had no confidence in my ability to carryout what my degree said I could do. It didn’t matter who believed in me at that point, I didn’t believe in me. My advisor and my friends cheered me on and told me I could do it. But I didn’t feel it. I felt like a failure and I hadn’t even started. If that is you know you are not a failure. You can do all of the things and then some. I began to read the description of various jobs in my field. I slowly but surely started to see that I could accomplish those duties. I applied and applied and for a while I heard nothing. Then I got a call back. Eventually, I got a job in my field. It took a lot of prayer. It took a lot of faith in God to open a door. And when the door finally opened, I realized I knew what I was doing. I was pretty good at it. So, I prayed for bigger and God allowed me to have bigger and move on the better. My career has grown and while yes, I studied and got the degree if it wasn’t for God removing the fear and opening the door, I would still be that same girl unsure of what I’m supposed to be doing. The dream I had didn’t turn out the way I thought it would. It turned out so much better and that is only because I put my trust and faith in Jesus. His dream for me has blown my mind and continues to blow my mind. I am still healing in areas of hurt. I am still forgiving myself and those who have caused me pain, but this journey is beautiful. I pray you give God your fears and trust him with your dreams. He only wants what’s best for you. He wants to put you around people that will love you just the way you are. God is still bringing people into my life and putting me in their life that laugh and truly enjoy my personality for the strange, ratchet, nerdy person that I am. My heart if full with what God is doing in my life and who God is bringing into my life. I’m excited to see what he will do with your life as well.

Love ya,

-Juls

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