Blogtober 13…

 











I don’t have a monopoly on hurt and pain! Do you know the pain of the people around you? The people who pour into your life have hurt too. I had this thought some months ago regarding a friend I love dearly. I felt they were so stuck in the hurt and pain of past relationships that it was spilling over into our friendship. I didn’t know how to tell them they were doing to me what was being done to them. So, I started to pray. What God said to me was you don’t have a monopoly of hurt and pain. I thought it was meant for my friend, but I realize it was for me.

While it may apply to my friend, I had to look at the area of my life that I use my past hurts to mistreat those around me that love me. There are some people in our lives that haven’t asked to be in the roles they are in, like my children. Children love their parents no matter what and as a parent I love and protect my babies no matter what. I have to check my issues because my children are innocent and didn’t ask to be here. I want most for us to learn that we need to be healed mentally, and emotionally first, before the relationship and before the children. However, when that doesn’t happen, we must make sure to not impart our pain to our children. My boys deserve to start life as adults fully intact, without damaged pieces.

When life comes and it will I want to teach my children to love themselves because Jesus first loved them. In loving themselves recognize that while this situation hurts it doesn’t have to damage you. We can offer forgiveness to ourselves, and to the person that hurt us. I may not happen overnight, it won’t be easy, but it will be worth it. One day someone else will come along with pure intentions and honesty but it you are stuck in the pain of the past you can miss it, or you can hurt what was meant to bless you.

I want for us to begin to end the cycle of hurt people hurting people. Can loved people start loving people? It bothers me so much to see people that I love walk in the hurt of the past. It hurt me to see them allow that hurt and pain to repeat itself in relationship choices. When someone hurts you, it is okay to walk away. When you touch something that is hot do you not pull away out of safety? Why do we continue to walk in unhealthy relationship seeking to be made whole? Once we are hurt within a relationship only God can repair the damages that could allow restoration. And even then, we each need to draw close to Christ and allow him to heal us along with therapy and prayer before coming back together. Depending on the severity of the hurt we may need to go our separate ways. God doesn’t give us blessing that hurt or cause pain. He is not abusive but everything God does he does with LOVE.

When we’ve been hurt it’s understandable to want to withdraw and take some time to “lick our wounds.” However, let’s not forget that leaning on the support of those that genuinely love us and want the absolute best for us can help remind us that there are people that don’t want to hurt us. We don’t get a pass to treat our friends and family like crap because we are in pain. Acknowledge that we are in pain and the moment sucks and be in that moment for as long as you or I need. Knowing when the moment has past, we can say thank you to those that were there for us for showing up and we don’t have to apologize for our behavior.

Finally, remember that this pain is temporary and though healing comes in waves it won’t last forever. Allow yourself to love again. Don’t make a decision based on the hurt space you’re currently in that closes you off to something amazing in the future. Let’s learn to let go of the pain we package and place on our backs because we don’t have to carry it. We don’t have old on the person we were that may have caused pain. We don’t have to hold on the persons that caused us pain. We are free to forgive ourselves and those that hurt us, and, in that freedom, we are not bound to being alone. Just because you didn’t work for one person doesn’t mean you’re not perfect for another. We may have been “trash” humans for one person, but we are a “treasure” for another. If we think in terms of diamonds. We are the carbon with each life experience is presses us and puts pressure on us. Each relationship, friendship and situationship that didn’t go the way we thought it would, is putting us under the right circumstances for us to become the diamonds we were always meant to be. It takes the right person coming along to see the diamond and they will. Will you be okay with it?

Love ya

-Juls

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