Life is Still Good Even Though it Doesn't Look the Way You Thought it Would...

 Life doesn't always take the shape of the plans you originally had. Sometimes you don't even see the life you hoped for. But, if you keep on the journey life will take you down paths you never thought would or could be worthy of. 

I thought... isn't that the start of every downward spiral? I thought. Sometimes we need to go back a few steps, thoughts, moments to better understand where we are and where we're going. My oldest is chartering his path as a high school freshman. I can only reflect on my high school experience. When I was in high school all I wanted was to lay a foundation that would get me out of my city (New Orleans). I couldn't see past getting out. All I could see was how everyone around me looked stuck. I couldn't pinpoint when they appeared stuck because it seemed like that was life. And I didn't want that life. I wanted big city because I had big city dreams. 

Moments make our lives and shape the decisions we make. I was blessed in so many ways and I truly believe God's hand covered me countless times. My guardian angel was working overtime. But looking back there were moments that really guided me into the decisions that I made (good and bad). 

In my mind, I was going to breeze through school and become an amazing doctor that changed lives. I was going to meet an amazing man and he would work from home and take care of the kids. I would be changing the world with my research and expertise. There was nothing in me that thought this wouldn't happen. However, my life looks nothing like that. I did meet an amazing man and we had amazing children. But we (together) were not and that is okay. I am still a scientist and still a mom and well right now I work from home. The path my life took is not one that I ever thought I would charter. However, I'm so grateful for it. I learned so much more on this path than I think I would have ever learned on any other path. 

Thinking about my life made me think about my children's stresses now. I pray the only thing they stress about is school drama and homework. I had so much on my mind at my children's ages that I can only hope I've created a space for their minds to be free of those stresses. I pray that the lives my boys dream up become their reality no matter how much they change and twist and turn. My hope is that we create spaces for children all children to freely be childlike. Enjoy hearing the stories of who talks to who, slang words, asking to go to festivals at the last minute, the open invitation to friends at family events. One day they will be adults navigating their journey on their own. I would rather them make room for me on their journey than side-eye me wanting to be there.

While we are turning our reactions down so our children will tell us more. Please remember your life isn't over. Your dreams are still alive and just because life doesn't look the way you thought it would doesn't mean give up. I said if you stay the course you will be able to look back at an amazing journey. Love can and will still find you (and me) if that is what you want. The love you have can be revived. Your career, your education, your whole entire life can be amazing. When I got pregnant in undergrad I didn't stop dreaming I just tweaked my dreams a little. When I got divorced while in a master's program with 2 toddlers I didn't stop dreaming or pursuing my dreams. I reassessed and chartered a new path. I was not prepared for any of that to happen. But life happens and you command the storm to be still because you have a destination. Make it to your destination. Don't worry about how long it takes or the blows that keep coming. Make it to your destination. 

I love you,

-Juls