Friends

Greater love has no one than this: to lay down one's life for one's friends. John 15:13 (NIV)

I don't remember being the kid that cried about not having friends or being sad because someone said they weren't my friend. I do remember moving in 7th grade and telling my mom I wish I had friends. My mom first asked if I was friendly? She went on to say if I found myself to be friendly I would find myself with friends. Those were very true words and soon enough I found myself with three friends that I stuck to like glue. From 7th grade through high school I had my girls and I was good. I had other friends that I was close to and this in no way is a downplay on our friendship. However, this story is about one friend in particular that in my quest to leave home was left behind. 

About a year ago I wrote a blog about something silly that my friends and I did. When I wrote that blog I genuinely wanted to express a lesson about love. I thought the blog was self-explanatory and the lesson was conveyed, however, I only took into consideration my perspective of that event reflective of my adult self. A similar thing happened when I left home for college. I was so eager to leave New Orleans that I left everything and everyone behind. I moved on to college and never looked back. There were times when I would try to touch bases but in the grand scheme of things, my efforts were lackluster at best. I am only speaking for myself and my own efforts. Nevertheless, both events affected the same friend. 

Fast forwarding from undergrad to graduate school my world was in absolute chaos. I was 28 with 2 children, on the verge divorced, working on a masters degree and once again friendless. I was at a rock bottom (believe it or not I hadn't hit rock bottom yet!). I started to pray that God would remove any person in my life that wasn't for me and put those who are for me into my life. Within weeks my friend circle began to change and before I knew it I was surrounded by some of the best women I could ever meet. They have taught me that I can still journey through life and take them with me. I don't have to choose between my life journey and my friends. More importantly, they taught me the value of friendship. I can't remember the event but I remember the conversation I had with one of my friends regarding the event. We were talking about an issue she was having with someone and she said to me that the relationship she has with that person is more important than the issue. Her value of friendship means more to her than whatever the issue was. After that conversation, I weighed friendship differently. Honestly, do any of us remember why we stopped talking to a close friend when the issues are minor? I know there are plenty of friendships that I ghosted and had no real reason to have done so. What my friend gave to me in that one conversation was a new outlook on friendship. There have been times when I wasn't sure if my friendships with certain friends would make it but we talked it out and we survived because the friendship, the relationship is more important than the issue. 

I do have a point that I hope ties all this together. As the last blog pointed out I've moved. I've also had a birthday and I began to reflect on my 37 years of life. It has been very surreal as I look at the last few months of this year and see what God is doing. I feel as though I am in a period of restoration. Old relationships are being made new and I am so very thankful to be able to experience this while I have breath in my body. More recently, I was indirectly reunited with my original friend and I was reminded of how close we were. I was reminded of how her family grafted me into their lives because I spent so much time with them. I remembered how dear she is to me and I thought I could've been a better friend. Even though I can make an excuse for the times I didn't should up when she needed it doesn't change me not being there. It doesn't change me not being a friend to her when she needed me to be. What I can offer is an apology. an, "I'm sorry for not being a friend to you when you needed me to be your friend, your sister, your person." I would not have learned how to be a friend if it hadn't been for my circle. I am thankful God placed us in the same place at the same time because had it not been for them I would not have learned the lesson that brought me here. 

To my lovely friends, my sisters, my girls may God continue to grow our friendships and teach us to be strong women, mothers, daughters, and fighters for each other. May we call on each other in the time of need knowing we will show up. May the wounds of our past be filled with healing and our hearts restored to God's grace. Finally, may we see each other through the eyes of Christ and allow His love to flow through us for one another.

I want to leave you with a charge or challenge to value the relationship over the issue (of course within healthy boundaries). As women, we have to start being there for one another more. We have to show up for each other. We must begin to see each other through love and help foster healing. That is how we create the world we want our children to live in. We must find ourselves to be friendly.

Love

-Juls